Horrible Inventions

Here are some stupid inventions that never quite caught on.

Fart Gum

Why the hell would anyone want a fart to come from their mouth? That's just retarded, I mean farts that come from your ass are bad enough. Does it make your breath smell like a big butt explosion too? I guess you'd be talking a lot of shit.

The Little Wizzer alcohol dispenser

I can't imagine why anyone would wanna drink something that can from a weiner, real or not. It's like drinking piss and depending on the beverage you select might taste like it too. I find it a little creepy that it looks like a child. I mean WTF thats fucked up. Is it being marketed to cho-moes?

Remote Controlled Lawn Mower

Why the hell would anyone want to pretend to mow their lawn. Mowing fucking blows. You know your boring and have no friends when the only thing you have to do is mow. Your a lazy son of a bitch too, you can't even put pants on and actually go do it. Why's the dad floating on a hovercraft thing? They don't have that shit yet, and if they did you'd have a robot to be your bitch and mow your lawn.

Death Of Pringles Can Inventor

The inventor of the Pringles can Fredric Baur's ashes were buried in one upon his death. Which makes me wonder what can was he buried in? Was it a plan original or was it a hot and fiery pizza flavor? I think it would show what his friends and family thought about it him. Did it say douche or most awesome mother fucker ever?

Boredom

Have you ever been so bored you just sit for hours and do nothing? Nothing sounds fun you, couldn't find entertainment to save your life. The internet is just so boring even youtube and facebook just seem so mundane. Your half tempted to go pee on an electric fence just for something to do. Well I've been there as a matter of fact that's why I'm writing this post. So lets try to think of some things to do.

1. Spin around in circles and see if you can walk down a flight of stairs.
2. See how many times you can yell penis in Wal-Mart before they kick you out.
3. See who's fastest in a race in the motorized shopping carts.
4. Pitch a tent in Wal-Mart and I don't mean in the sporting goods section.
5. See how many times you can say what in a drive thru before they tell you too fuck off.
6. Grab a shopping cart select one grape and pay for it. Not in the express lane either.
7. Walk backwards yelling I'm out of control.
8. In the middle of class walk out of the room and come talk yelling about how great Narnia was.
9. Be way to happy for no reason.
10. Walk up to a random van screaming where my fucking candy!?

So that's what I got. if you have any just comment them and I'll put them in.

Ladies And Gentelmen

Pickles... that is all.

What Happened To MTV?

Does anyone know what the hell happened to MTV? I thought they were music television, not fake reality tv, dumb drama, and completely stupid irrelevant shows, or FRDDCSITV. Well that's to long not as catchy as MTV. It almost seems like false advertising to call it MTV anymore. Do they actually show music videos besides between 2 and 10 AM? I'm no expert but I think most people don't watch TV at 3 in the morning. Unless they got the munchies. MTV was enormously popular when it came out because they were actually music television. I don't even watch it anymore either there's just completely retarded shows I will never want to watch, or re-runs I've seen a million times. Can we please have our MTV back?

Belly Button Lint

Where does belly button lint come from? I mean I know I don't have any loose strands or pre-existing lint. So where the hell does it come from? Are there little belly button trolls living in there or some shit, who's sole purpose is to make lint to fuck with me on a near daily basis? Maybe there's belly button gnomes too. They hate the trolls because they moved from the corn hole to the belly button to escape the smell. And they were bigger and stronger than the gnomes so they pushed them into the back of the belly button. Who knows maybe one day the gnomes will say this is enough of this bullshit and they'll start to retaliate. Then there will be a little 300 going on in my belly. I mean really it doesn't make any sense that it just appears out of nowhere. Is my belly button a time vortex into a parallel dimension? Fuck now I'm scared to get that lint out. I don't want my finger to start getting sucked in, then when I disappear people will ask how did he die? Everyone will say he got ate by his belly button. What kind of pussy gets ate by their belly button? That doesn't even make any sense. So if anyone's got any insight please comment.

It's A Winter Wonderland

My car likes the snow and my lights look cool

WTF Snow

You don't show up for weeks, then out of no where your up to my damn knees! Don't show up a lot for a few days then disappear for weeks it pisses us all off. Fuck you snow.

Forgot How To Sit

What if the world forgot how to sit? For many eons man has known how to sit. It is how we relax, watch movies, and possibly the most important... taking a shit with relatively no mess (Unless you ate Taco Bell, polish food, drank 50 Rockstars, or have a general problem). How did the first man discover sitting? Maybe it was to crouch for the hunt as to not be seen by the woolly mammoths, or wildebeest, or maybe Dick Cheney. Watch the fuck out if he's got a gun. I imagine crouching would be very beneficial to the hunt. I can't give an expert opinion though. The closest I've come to hunting is fighting an old lady for the last box of pepperoni Hot Pockets.The animal wouldn't be able to see you as well and you could sneak up on it easier. No matter how you look at it sitting was discovered out of necessity. To lay down you pretty much have to sit down. Unless you do a running jump kick of doom onto your bed. The cavemen probably got tired of sleeping standing up. Waking up with back and neck pain, never getting enough sleep. Do you have any idea how hard it was to get a good chiropractor in those days. Not only was he a chiropractor, he was a medical doctor, barber, and Geek Squad employee too. I think the best guess was probably that he had to sit down to properly vanquish the poo demon. Can you fathom the amount of mess standing up and making a bowel movement would create? It would be enormous and they didn't have Lysol wipes either. They either had to just deal with it till it rained, or remember what hand they eat with and do work. So don't take for granted the ability to sit. Because life would be incredibly difficult and suck some major hairy balls if you forgot how,

Stupid Employers

In this tough economy everyone is trying to get a job. So when you see one that you might be able to get you try your hardest to get it, but when you call on it 8 times leave a message with all your info; and go down in person; and they still don't call you back thats bullshit. Especially when you keep seeing the ad re-posted and re-posted. So I'm calling out the Coeur D' Alene Press and their delivery routes that they don't seem to fill. Fuck You. You are retarded.

Retarded Engineers

I seriously think GM hires down syndrome dropouts to design stuff. I have a fog light bulb that needs replaced on my Malibu. In order to replace it, I have to jack my car up, take my tires off remove about 20 bolts and clips, take off big plastic pieces and then I can change them. Totally fucking unnecessary. I mean really why can't you just take some screws out and change a damn light bulb?

Privacy Policy

The Privacy Policy for justinsrantsrantsrants.blogspot.com and the affiliated website justinsrantspictures.blogspot.com

The privacy of our visitors to justinsrantsrantsrants.blogspot.com is important to us.

At justinsrantsrantsrants.blogspot.com, we recognize that privacy of your personal information is important. Here is information on what types of personal information we receive and collect when you use and visit justinsrantsrantsrants.blogspot.com, and how we safeguard your information.  We never sell your personal information to third parties.

Log Files

As with most other websites, we collect and use the data contained in log files.  The information in the log files include  your IP (internet protocol) address, your ISP (internet service provider, such as AOL or Shaw Cable), the browser you used to visit our site (such as Internet Explorer or Firefox), the time you visited our site and which pages you visited throughout our site.

Cookies and Web Beacons

We do use cookies to store information, such as your personal preferences when you visit our site.  This could include only showing you a popup once in your visit, or the ability to login to some of our features, such as forums.

We also use third party advertisements on justinsrantsrantsrants.blogspot.com to support our site.  Some of these advertisers may use technology such as cookies and web beacons when they advertise on our site, which will also send these advertisers (such as Google through the Google AdSense program) information including your IP address, your ISP , the browser you used to visit our site, and in some cases, whether you have Flash installed.  This is generally used for geotargeting purposes (showing New York real estate ads to someone in New York, for example) or showing certain ads based on specific sites visited (such as showing cooking ads to someone who frequents cooking sites). You can chose to disable or selectively turn off our cookies or third-party cookies in your browser settings, or by managing preferences in programs such as Norton Internet Security.  However, this can affect how you are able to interact with our site as well as other websites.  This could include the inability to login to services or programs, such as logging into forums or accounts.

Ownership

This statement is to show that I Justin Johnson of Justin's Rants is the sole owner, and operator of this blog. No one other than myself has access to the inner workings of Justin's Rants.